very wierd

27/8/2010
my chief matron 's house was robbed
it 's very weird
she was sleeping in the sitting room
the things that she lost were all in the sitting room
the light was on -- always on , according to her
she slept around 2 am in the morning
when she wakes up at 630am
( she usually wake up at 530 am by her hand phone alarm)
she was blaming why her alarm not working
actually her h/p was stolen
3 lap tops
cash of 6k RM
++ she don't actually know
because her house full of things
I went to her house around 3pm
she was calm
she keep blaming herself -- why she sleep so soundly
while the actual fact is that she 's very alert of her surroundings

discussions
my other friends were saying
she was charmed- not to know during the time of incidents
but I was thinking-- if only she wake up during the event
she might be hurt or injured
or she might be killed

the Malay belief
rear some fishes-- they never close their eyes- even when asleep
wear your underwear inside out
they believe like that
the thief cannot 'baca bukaw'-- read the charm
which is which
I don't know

frustrated

how outsiders look at nurses
--rude
--not communicating with people
--not helpful
--the lists goes on

I feel really down these few days
I feel I have no mood to work
what happen to me?
I thought that I am so proud to be a nurse
but now I am being shaken
why people hate nurses
what have we done wrong?
what have we do that people don't sayang us anymore
i am thinking hard
i haven't has any answer yet

i look back
i am always being respected
but now it seems we are not being respected
people look at you transparent
people even stare at you
where it goes wrong?

torn.....

my usual round to the CTW/CRW ward
on my way
I saw a man-- may be in his twenties
he looks very fierce
as if want to beat people up
I am a little scared
I walk passed him in a hurried manner
I noticed he worn torn t- shirt--quite badly torn
I think to myself
our clothing still good
want to buang already
he is a young man
do we all think that he wants to wear torn clothing?
may be he is poor
or may be he don't care how he looks
to me , may be he is from keluarga yang tiada

sometimes I think to myself
why are we so picky
why are we so choosy
why can't we be a bit cincai

one girl- in her 30"s come to me
matron , find me a man
I want to get married
but where to find?
when people want you , you jual mahal
wait till one day
you chose a dog with no tail.
human , human.
I don't know you belong where?

three............

there are 3 types of people in this world
--someone wanders what happen
--someone make things happen
--someone see things happen

I myself belongs to all the three
I am retiring end of December 2011
at the age of 58 years old
My patients relative says I am only 40 plus
I was happy
ha ha , we know where we are
age goes up and never comes down!

I am considered senior citizen already
sometimes I feel myself waisting so much of my hours
doing none important things
I hate myself sometimes
of not able to make my live to the fullest

if only........
I am rich-- but I am not
I am more cleverer-- but I am not
I study harder--but I didn't
I can go oversea--don't know yet
Who knows -- I can follow my girls
to overseas one day
dreams , dreams and dreams
but it is always a dream 1st
before event happens
you all agree with me?

where ...

if you smile, laugh
the whole world smile and laugh with you
when you die, you die alone
when I go down to work today
I met the mortuary man ,
pushing a corpse by himself alone
and along on the way to rumah mayat
where are the dead dearest-- none ? where?

there is this miss Dr Anne
senior already
their mum is bed ridden
when her father visited her
he keeps telling me-- repeatedly
"life is like that "
like what?
sometimes very sad to know
I met my friend
visited her--her neighbour
she told me ,last time she was very cantik
but now-- fat like a heap of meat
arms and legs deformed
behave like a big baby
feeds through tube
pee and bo on pampers
no wander the old man keep telling me --life is like that ?

I got a friend
always talk bad about people
always tell lies
have so many enemies
good kah like that?
mulut selalu say --God
where is her God?

NEET

ie Nor in Education , Employment or Training
meaning that you are either not working or a pensioner
eat sleep and doing no things in life
but in this world there are so many this people
between 15 - 35 years old-- hey they are not pensioner yet
Malaysians pension at 58 years old at government sector
so who are this group of people?
oo
they don't fit themselves into any job
either the job is too high for them
or they are too high for the job
who feed them/
the fama company

mouth of July

* ghost month
my peers tell me
the straight forward case also turn out to have complications
true, true -- it is happening
I told the cardiologist on call
he laughs aloud
he neither agree nor disagree

fantacy-- what is it?

fantasy...
want to have a great boyfriend..
orang puteh
talk besar
gojet kosong--high fy
travel here and there
but satu sen nyadai
kerja-- nyadai
what to eat next day-- nyak numur
ada rumah--- no no no
where stay-- renting
any car-- renting
semua -- no no no
only a life-- great kisses,mulut say-- I love you
promises -- a lot
not even one fulfilled
is that what is called life
what is future with this type of situation?
I am really worried

Now
be realistic
have a profession
have a qualification
have something in hand
have something to be seen
a house
a car or something to be seen
something to anchor on that 's something
to start out with.